Jan 262010
 

By Contributor TBoneH, Blg. D., F. R. B. S., F. S. Sweet F. A., Esq.

A Translator’s Guide to Boatang & Demetriou

I. Common Greetings

Key:
Boatang & Demetriou
English

***

Fuck you
I disagree with your contention

Fuck off
I disagree with your contention

How dare you
I disagree with your contention

WRONG DICKHEAD
I disagree with your contention

Come on
You have not recognised that my view is obviously the correct one

II. Standard Usages

Key:
Boatang & Demetriou
English

***

Other bloggers are a country club of mutual back-scratchers
Other bloggers don’t link to us

Other bloggers do it for the money and attention
Other bloggers have a higher readership than we do

We write original content
We are insular and consider others’ views to be beneath our notice

We would rather be honest than popular
We are unpopular

We upset the cosy world-view
We consider ourselves controversial

F. A. Hayek/Friedman/Mill agrees with us
We have read some F. A. Hayek/Friedman/Mill

We don’t have a ‘you’re not a libertarian’ thing going on
We have a ‘you’re not a libertarian’ thing going on

We do things differently and much better
Everyone except us is wrong

S/he does not tolerate dissent
S/he disagrees with me

S/he would end democracy
I am deliberately exaggerating someone’s view

S/he is an anarchist
I am deliberately exaggerating someone’s view

S/he is a racist
I am deliberately exaggerating someone’s view

S/he called me a liar
I am deliberately exaggerating someone’s view OR
S/he said I was wrong

If we offend or upset someone, it is because they don’t agree with us
We egregiously insult people and call it ‘plain speaking’

You need to grow up
You should appreciate being egregiously insulted

I don’t hate you
I am about to egregiously insult you

You have attempted spin
You have presented a point of view that differs from mine

You are a hypocrite
You have exposed my hypocrisy

You talk shite
You disagree with me

Grow a pair
Accept my view as gospel

This thread isn’t about that topic
Discussing that topic makes me uncomfortable

People slag us off behind our backs
We spy on people behind their backs

I don’t need to be civil
I resort to abuse when someone disagrees with me

When I’m annoyed I resort to abuse
I resort to abuse when someone disagrees with me

I don’t give a fuck
I am a lone-wolf hero-martyr

I never said that
I am backtracking quickly

You took what I said out of context
I am backtracking quickly

Where’s the proof of that?
I am unable to distinguish between statements of opinion and statements of fact

This is me pointing out fact
This is my opinion

Please use facts and logic
Please stop disagreeing with my opinion

I am not immature
I have completely forgotten that I once wrote: “Oh just fuck off and suck X’s dick, you sad stooge. You, X and Y need to hook up for a 3 way gangbang, you’d have a right old hoot shoveling copies of Rothbard’s finest down eachother’s jap’s eye.”

III. Parsing the Commentary

Key:
Commenter
English

***

Bollocks
I disagree with your contention

You have a good point
I do not wish to receive abuse

You are a pair of social democrats
Your version of libertarianism is inconsistent with my own

Who made you the arbiters of libertarianism?
Your version of libertarianism is inconsistent with my own

Your posts are too long
Your posts do not fit comfortably on the screen of my iPhone

You are an ass
This is the first time I have read your blog

I assumed you were reasonable
This is the first time I have read your blog

Why all the fuss?
This is the first time I have read your blog

You are immature/You are childish/Grow up
Your robust style of debate leaves me intellectually cold

You attack others to increase your blog’s traffic
Um… it works

What is the purpose of this blog?
I am mystified by the fact that you attack your own side

Old Holborn is right
I only read your blog because you attack Old Holborn

Old Holborn is wrong
By agreeing with you, I hope to avert another flame war OR
I naively assume this thread is actually about topic X

I will not take part in this flame war
My peace-making attempts have been in vain

This is all very People’s-Front-of-Judea
I have seen Monty Python’s Life of Brian

I don’t give a flying fuck about F. A. Hayek/Friedman/Mill
I have never read any F. A. Hayek/Friedman/Mill

I don’t care what you say, I do what I want
At least I am consistent in my disregard for others’ views

[Any remark replete with weariness and/or sarcasm]
I am Obnoxio the Clown, and I am tired, tired, tired of this shit

  25 Responses to “A Translator’s Guide to Boatang & Demetriou”

  1. “I am Obnoxio the Clown, and I am tired, tired, tired of this shit”

    And so it came to pass… :o)

  2. Perhaps you should just stick to hanging around “leisure centres” then.

  3. Or, while my first comment “awaits moderation”, you could translate this:

    “What a load of fucking bollocks. Sorry, Kevin, but it just is. I’m not even going to try and debate it.”

    Pip pip, old chap.

  4. Um… Surely…

    “You are a pair of social democrats”

    … actually translates as…

    “you patently belong in the Labour Party. Oh, and your version of libertarianism isn’t the same as mine because I’m… well… I’m a libertarian. You fuckin’ mooks.”

    DK

  5. This is very amusing, well done Bella. Though I’m vaguely curious as to the amount of time you must have put into this spot of jolly baity humour.

    I’m also curious that suddenly you have decided to pass quite a bit of comment about us and our blog. Is it because Chris hates to mention us too much on his, and he’s asked you to have a pop? Or is it that, deep down, somewhere in there, you think we’re worth reading?

    Just wondered. If I thought a blogger was that meaningless and poorly read, I probably wouldn’t bother writing about them. I talk about DK and OH because, as much as I disagree with their politics and way of going about things, they are obviously well read bloggers and therefore prominent in this little goldfish bowl.

    Again, compliments on the piece, and if you secretly hoped to annoy me, you failed. I think it’s mildly amusing. Well done.

    • Of course I think you’re worth reading. I’m pleased you’re amused as well, though I must disclaim responsibility.

  6. Now it all makes sense! I will bear this in mind during my next annual visit to their “blog”.

  7. Haha! This is awesome. 😀

    I assumed you were reasonable
    This is the first time I have read your blog

    Killed me.

    God forbid they take a look at my blog; I am an anarchist who would abolish democracy, privatize the army and withdraw from the EU; all before breakfast… 😉

  8. I thought this was very amusing (and I like B&D’s blog). It does capture how they come across sometimes. They have a rather aggressive style of disagreement. But so do many other bloggers.

  9. A couple more that are missing:

    Propertarianism
    Plain vanilla Libertarianism

    Libertarianism
    Social Democracy

  10. Ha! Genius! Two more to add:

    It is my considered opinion that …
    I just read in my Dad’s copy of the Daily Mail that …

    ..and for Commenters:

    You occasionally write excellent posts.
    I don’t come here very often: is it always like this?

  11. You forgot

    “What is the point of Old Holborn?”

    We’ve been doing this blogging thing for ages yet nobody reads us, the wankers.

  12. There’s nothing quite like baiting other bloggers; it is quite a rarity to see it done in such an entertaining way.

  13. Excellent stuff.

  14. I don’t give a fuck
    I am a lone-wolf hero-martyr

    I thought that was a necessary pre-requisite for politic bloggerdom?

  15. Those who praise democracy and blame its victims for its failings would do well to read some de Tocqueville. I think they would find the last few chapters Democracy in America an enlightening read.

    I would also like to poke some fun at snobbish writing habits as Mr Rob has done.

    I find it amusing when mediocre writers allude to Shakespeare without really understanding the meaning of what they’re ripping off. A favorite seems to be “…therein lies the rub” and its variants. Never mind that what Hamlet said was “…ay, there’s the rub” which is a reference to an imperfection on the ground that would serve as an obstacle in a game of bowls. It’s very silly to try to poshify this Shakespeare quote by prefixing “therein lies” onto something that was a reference to a game in which you throw chunks of wood at other chunks of wood.

    • Er, no it isn’t poshifying anything. The expression pre-dates Shakespeare as do many of the popular terms he used. Terms that are used in language on a daily basis without the user being aware of the etymology. And so what? While the etymology is interesting, it isn’t essential for understanding. When someone says “therein lies the rub” we know exactly what they mean, therefore the objective is achieved – a thought has been accurately communicated. Language changes and adapts, making the original source an interesting diversion even though the context subtly changes with time. That’s why we can now start a sentence with a preposition and cheerfully split our infinitives. None of this is poshifying anything, it is merely language evolving.

      If I have one criticism with people using popular phrases, it is the danger of cliché. In that, I’m inclined to agree with George Orwell – never use a long word where a short one will do. Use plain English and if you can chop out a word, do it. Avoid using an expression that is already in popular use.

  16. ancap: noun, abbr. An anarchist whose philosophy fortunately allows him/her to own a large house.

  17. Ah, classic. I did like

    “S/he is an anarchist
    I am deliberately exaggerating someone’s view”

    Mainly because your hubby stated on our site that ‘I am an anarchist at heart’. Always very strange when people that are openly anarcho-capitalists very suddenly become not anarcho-capitalists because they’ve been called anarcho-capitalists!

    It’s also nice to see the constant mention of readers, how many etc. Because that’s what it’s all about isn’t it. Also slightly ironic being posted here.

    I dunno, we ask a few awkward questions of people and this is what we get! By the way, if Chris is going to spend a night writing this, maybe he should just post it on his own site.

    Keep it up Bells

    • Well, I dunno, Kev – you’re the only libertarians I’ve ever met who regard being an anarcho-capitalist as a negative quality.

      But hey, I’m glad you like it. I’m not one of those who say your blog isn’t worth reading – in fact I enjoy it. Don’t get your knickers in a twist about having the piss taken, though; it’s all in good fun. And Chris didn’t write it! Since you seem to know him so well, I’d have thought you’d realise that gentle mocking isn’t exactly his style.

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