Jun 172009
 

[From me, admittedly, on both counts.]

More comment-mining at Tim’s Guardian piece:

The lack of choice I refer to is, I believe, less due to employers than with female mate-choice. If a man wants to be a father, he first needs to attract a mate. If you’re not a good provider few women will consider you father material or worth settling down with. It’s a catch 22 – if you want to have a family you need to prioritise your career, which leaves you less time to spend with your family.

Do men really think this is generally the attitude of women? Sure, I can see that there will be those ladies who would turn down a lovely man because he had a crap income, but on the other hand, I have personally never encountered such a thing. There have been in my life recently the following:

(a) a professional female friend who desperately wanted to marry and spawn with her dirt-poor, student boyfriend;

(b) another professional female friend who is marrying a man who works on hourly pay as a shop clerk;

(c) my mother, who earned more than my father throughout her entire working life;

(d) and of course myself – I care nothing for what a potential ‘mate’ earns as long as he isn’t boring, and in fact I have never dated a man who has gone out of his way to set himself up as a ‘good provider.’

Anecdote, I know, but I can’t help feeling that amongst professional types, this person’s contention is pure nonsense, the kind of crap spouted by men who as people have trouble attracting women, but would rather blame their modest incomes and the meretricious monstrous regiment than admit it.

UPDATE:Oh! and here’s another one

Another fact that feminists cover up. Women marry “up”, not “down”. When a woman marries a man, she chooses a man earning MORE than her — even if she expects to go on working after marriage. A female banker may have an affair with her electrician, but she would NEVER marry him.

Really? Really really? Prove it. ‘Cause I would.

UPDATE 2: Argh:

Because, dear heart, when you are in your bath chair, doubly incontinent and in need of care and medical attention, it will be other people’s children who will be looking after you, wiping your bum, feeding you and making sure you get the care you need. Other people’s children’s taxes will be paying towards your pension when you retire, the costs of public services, producing the food you will eat, the tv programmes you will watch, mending the pavements you walk on and building and maintaining the house you live in.

I really object to this idea that future adults are a resource for current adults to expect to mine and utilise one day. I don’t have children so that one day they can wipe my co-worker’s ass, and neither does anybody else. And if people truly did think that way, it would be repugnant in the extreme: treating future adults as little service-tax-and-pension-generating engines rather than autonomous human individuals who may very well – pleasegodplease – get sick of being treated thusly, foment a revolution, and eliminate this hideous, fucked-up, socialist society that has held them in that sort of bondage since birth.

I want my own children to look after me when I’m old – not the children of others. I want my own children to love me enough to care for me. And if they don’t, or if I never have children, then I shall reap what I have sown, and go about with ass unwiped and frail and hungry, since the institutions that used to do that for unclaimed old folks – charities – have been co-opted by the state or, if they refused to add their biological and technological distinctiveness to the Borg, destroyed.

  5 Responses to “Immaturity and anecdote”

  1. I agree with many of your points, but…

    “I care nothing for what a potential ‘mate’ earns as long as he isn’t boring”

    This is one of those things women say, but don’t actually mean (BTW I have no trouble on either count, thanks).

    In practical terms, my experience indicates that a big pay disparity either-way puts serious pressure on fledgling relationships. Most, if not all, will fail in the medium term. Your argument appears to ignore this practicality.

    By the way, marrying Student Grant is not the same as marrying a decorator, because the student is a whole lot more likely to be earning six-figures in a ten year timeframe.

    Seperately…

    “the institutions that used to do that for unclaimed old folks – charities – have been co-opted by the state or, if they refused to add their biological and technological distinctiveness to the Borg, destroyed.”

    IMO, the demographic situation in Europe means that this will *have* to be fixed. And if I’m unfortunate enough to make it to the age where I have to rely on others, I’ll be one of millions in this country in the same boat. Not something any government is going to be able to ignore.

    Otherwise, I’m f***ed.

    AJ

  2. I have been told flat out by girls that they won’t consider a boyfriend who is not a doctor. lawyer or architect. I have also listened to girls in offices discussing the merits of various guys and using their income as a yardstick.

    Whilst such naked greed is the minority, affluence is a useful measure of success. Success, and the confidence it brings, is attractive so it is not surprising that ladies tend to like this.

    I ain’t sayin’ she a golddigger…

  3. “I have been told flat out by girls that they won’t consider a boyfriend who is not a doctor. lawyer or architect. ”

    Sounds less hostile than “f**k off you ugly bleeder!” I should think. 😉

    AJ

  4. :)

    They were friends of my then GF. Not particularly pleasant people but not hugely unusual I would think.

  5. @ aljahom – I can appreciate all your points except ‘This is one of those things women say, but don’t actually mean’. That statement implies, whether you meant it to or not, that I say that but don’t mean it. I could go into a list of every relationship I’ve ever had and the financial circumstances in each one, but that would be to betray the privacy of various individuals, so: suffice it to say, I have never dated a man who earns more than I do. I’ve dated plenty who earn a lot less, and it’s never been a problem. So maybe many women don’t mean it, but I do, and I’ve put my money where my mouth is (no pun intended).

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