Dear Election Fairy,
I have been a very good girl this year. If you could see your way clear to rewarding this, I would be most grateful. I have only three election wishes.
1. That Ed Balls should lose his seat.
2. That Nigel Farage should defeat John Bercow.
3. That Old Holborn should win in Cambridge.
And, Election Fairy, if you are feeling particularly generous and it’s not too much trouble, one further thing: Phil Woolas should suffer.
With many thanks,