Nov 242009

Iowahawk strikes again:

But there’s a problem: as the worker researchers attempt to store each raw datum into the neat honeycomb hockey stick structure provided by the hive’s Alpha Grantwriter, they discover that few will fit. The infrared shows them growing cool with fear. This signals the climate researcher’s instinctive behavior to begin viciously beating, rolling and normalizing the data into submission. According to Dr. Nigel V.H. Oldham, professor emeritus at Oxford University’s Centre for Metascience, this violent data dance is what makes climate researchers unique among breeds of scientists.

Professor Nigel V.H. Oldham:

Like other species in the order homo scientifica, the climate researcher gathers and organizes data to lure grant money to the hive. In contrast to those other species, however, the climate researcher has evolved a set of complex violent behaviors to insure any data leaving the hive is perfectly adapted to nature’s most lucrative and sweetest grants. It really is a marvel of natural selection, and explains why the climate researcher continues to thrive in any kind of weather condition.

Truly, Iowahawk is a giant among satirists. Do go and read the whole thing.

  2 Responses to “The secret life of climate researchers”

  1. Brilliant. Well worth the read.

  2. A friend of mine, with his Doctorate from Oxford, was applying for a grant to study some aspect of pure mathematics well beyond the understanding of someone like me with a 55 year old A-level in the subject. As the funding was from a government source, he was warned by colleagues that he would need to ensure that his paper seeking funding referred if possible to “ethnicity”, “females”, “disadvantaged” and various other PC phrases in order to improve his chances.
    Bet Einstein didn’t have this type of problem! Ethnic Mathematics anyone?

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