Feb 112009

Just happened across an amusing fantasy in the Daily Mash, my favourite part of which is this:

But last night chancellor Alistair Darling was like: “Hang on a minute, how come it’s always us?…What does IMF stand for anyway? International Mother Fuckers?”…

An IMF spokesman said: “Do you really want to know why? Fine. Your banks were the entire basis of your economy and now they’re shite. Your currency is used bogroll, you don’t make anything of any value, you’re governed by clueless arseholes and 99% of your population is up to its tits in debt. That’s why.”

Mr Darling added: “Yeah, fair enough.”

I recalled suddenly that last night I had a dream about loss of supply, complete with a vision of Brown and Darling standing open-mouthed at the dispatch-box, staring at one another in horror until one of them says, ‘Automatic dissolution? That can’t be right! How come nobody told us…?’

But never mind; we must square our shoulders bracingly against the winds of ill fortune. Worse things happen at sea. And all is not lost: my father has just sent me an email that says, in its entirety, ‘I read this morning that the pound increased in value against the dollar; that should help you some.’

[bella goes away to ponder whether weak dollar at all related to this]

  7 Responses to “British economy worst in western world…for now”

  1. I used to have nightmares, till I found that eating cheese and drinking black coffee in the evening brought them on. Since then my sleep has been less troubled. It’s bad enough seeing these demons and incubi in the daytime without being plagued by visions of them after dark.

    I remember the 1970s. Labour had been in power from 1964 (following Tory scandals) to 1970, then again from 1974. Between 1970 and 1974 we had a Conservative government led by Edward Heath, the fat, epicene traitor who inveigled us into the “Common Market”, as it was then called — and I recently had the pleasure of walking on his grave, for he is securely buried under a massy slab in the floor of Salisbury Cathedral, whither a friend and I repaired for look after an excellent and bibulous lunch. £10 to get in, but worth it. Anyway, the 1970s. Labour had so wrecked the economy by kow-towing to the unions that the Chancellor, Denis Healey (another Grade A c*nt), was compelled to go to the IMF for funds. By 1976, as I recall, inflation had hit 25% and the abominable Wilson (PM) resigned, probably because he was barking mad by this time. Despondency and futility reigned. Things got worse and worse. By the general election of 1979, when Attila the Hen got in, you could have put a row of dustbins up against Labour and it would have won a convincing majority.

    Who says history never repeats itself?

  2. That is a shocking dream, Bella! Cold sweat time.

    Dennis, you didn’t pay did you? Why didn’t you just say to the ticket harridan/holy thief that you had come to thank the lord for Heath’s demise and to dance on his grave? They can’t charge you for going in to chat with the Almighty. Wasn’t Heath a German spy?

  3. Bella, Heath is widely believed to have been a spy. Certainly when he was in power the country was a wreck; but the long-term, EU-type damage is far worse.

    Lilith, we’d downed a couple of bottles of really good wine and had a faceful of grub at the Gastrobistro, so I didn’t realize till after we’d emerged that the “entry fee” was voluntary.

    Still worth it to tread that slab.

  4. thank you bella! nothing to add to what’s already been said, i wasn’t born until after thatcher had been in power for a year. i do recall a colleague who was in the navy in 1973 telling me that they were all told after the vote that they’d all voted ‘yes’ but that’s beside the point. i really left this comment to thank you for pointing me in the direction of ‘the daily mash’ which i had somehow lived in ignorance of up until now! it’s a hoot.

  5. I dunno – who does say that?

  6. Is he? I wondered what Lilith was talking about…

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