Feb 252009

In all fun and affection, m’dear, via my flatmate:


  5 Responses to “Funny flatmate #3 – for Dennis”

  1. I find his reaction telling, and understand better now why he lost the war.

    The British, on the other hand, were blessed with the towering intellect of Sir Hugh Comstock. Comstock was personally appointed by Churchill as Head of Grammar Command in June 1941, at a time when German subjunctives in the North Atlantic were taking an appalling toll on our merchant shipping. Gathering about him a team of grammarians including H. W. Q. Peveril, R. S. Peagrim, A. H. Raymond, and the noted etymologist D. C. Warmington, a prolonged assault on the enemy’s syntax and vocabulary followed in the autumn of 1941.

    Codenamed “Operation Kastrierung” [Castration], this deprived the German language of no fewer than eleven essential words, notably, in the case of the subjunctive attacks, “tauchen” [dive]. First casualty of Kastrierung was Subjunctive U-561, which, lying helplessly on the surface after Captain Schmidt-Nielsen was unable to issue an effective order to submerge, was mercilessly rained with prepositions by the Samuel Johnson and sank with the loss of all hands.

    This effectively turned the tide of the war: the essential supply of adverbs and indefinite articles from America could resume, allowing the English language to flourish while German languished in a morass of incomprehensibility.

    Historians will be most grateful to you, Miss Gerens, for unearthing this rare footage, which appears to have been shot some time late in 1941 or very early in 1942, before the Wörterbuch Initiative, masterminded by Goebbels, cut in and helped redress the balance – from the enemy point of view.

  2. Dennis, you are brilliant.

    Marry me.

  3. Back off Bella

  4. Dennis,

    In the improbable event that you read this, can I say that I think your comment is vastly more than merely inspired? It approaches a kind of insane brilliance that I have rarely seen equalled, as though Beachcomber, Waugh and Wodehouse had been re-born in a wonderful confection of madness and sense of a sort that leaves us mere mortals gasping in admiration.

    Bella, snap him up quick.

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